Average Fears in Young Children

A phobic parent usually becomes preoccupied with worry about their child's fears. Even more agoraphobic women are concerned that their condition will affect their child's development. Non-phobic parents too may become alarmed when their child suddenly becomes afraid of everything. If your once aggressive and uninhibited child suddenly is afraid of new faces, a vacuum cleaner, going to bed alone, or the dark, it is easy to assume that you are somehow to blame or that there is something wrong with your child.

Fears in small children are common, and in fact are a normal part of maturing. I have put together some facts about normal childhood fears so that you can take appropriate action.

Children's fears peak at times of rapid learning. Learning about themselves and their environment bring demands. It can create an imbalance in which they may become temporarily oversensitive to things and events around them. This increased sensitivity is likely to show up in the form of fearfulness or expressed fears. Fears help express the normal anxiety that goes along with sorting out one's ideas and awareness. A child with fears is asking for help - to see the limits of the new situations and the limits of his/her own ability to deal with the situation.

Fears are a NORMAL cry for help. They are designed to provide comfort from parents, and cut down on pressures and stresses in other areas so the child can confront the new, more troublesome one.

Many times, parents need to confront the fears with their child. If your little girl is afraid of dogs, for example, she may need to know more about them. You may tell her that dogs bark to say "hello" and also to say "stay away". You might show her by pointing out whether the dog is wagging it's tail, showing her how to offer her hand to pet him, etc. More important is to show the child that it is okay for him/her to be frightened by the bark, the dog, and of the feelings she gets when she's frightened. The fear probably won't go away simply because you have given the information about dogs - she needs to know she can handle her fears.

Parents are likely to overreact, and feel that the fears are really something more serious. The danger is actually reinforcing them. The child needs your confidence and assurance at this time. This is not a time to bend over backwards and pamper your child. The usual limits - even if he doesn't like them - should be kept, and may actually help him/her resolve the issues underlying the fears.

A child's first fears may be a heightened sensitivity to strangers. This usually happens at several points in the first year; first at 4-6 weeks, 4-5 months, and again at approximately 8 months. In addition to being able to differentiate between "Mommy" and "Daddy" and strangers, by eight months, he is learning to crawl and navigate. These changes are more complicated now. He is also learning that when things are out of sight, they haven't stopped existing. These increases in a child's understanding and his wish to keep control over them create an imbalance in him and make him vulnerable to change, to fear of strangers, and of strange situations.

At one year, he becomes sensitive to broad changes, e.g., he's walking, he doesn't want his parents to leave the room, etc. He wants to be in control; he wants to be the one to leave. Control is a necessary basis for making choices (will I walk away, will I stay). With these struggles during the day, he can have turmoil at night. He may wake up screaming 2-3 times a night as if terrified by a bad dream.

Around age 2-1/2 to 3 fears peak again. The child is caught between yes and no; in or out; will I or won't I. Often, no one but the child cares, and he cares so much he can't handle it. Protest or fears are the way children usually get what they need.

By 3-1/2 to 4, fears can accompany the beginning of normal aggression. A child may begin to experience complicated feelings when he sees a toy gun or images using one. When he wants to strike out at someone but is afraid to. There aren't too many ways to handle the feelings that are coming up. Fears help to keep them in check.

Fears serve a major developmental purpose. When fears begin in a small child, the parent must enter wholeheartedly in helping. Remember, most children's fears clear up in one year or less. It is very rare to persist five years or more. If they do, professional help is advised.

This article was written by Dr. Richard C. Raynard, whose latest book Panic Free is offering new hope for those suffering from overwhelming and often debilitating panic attacks. For over 30 years he has helped thousands of his patients with the latest refinements in anxiety and panic treatments.
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