Preoccupation with Death & Dying

by Richard C. Raynard, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist

For most phobics, the very first occasion of panic came with a feeling "I'm going to die". Later on, just anticipating the panic returning can lead to climbing anxiety and a feeling "I'm going to die". The overwhelming number and kind of bodily experiences in panic seem to offer no other explanation. Choking, tightness of chest, fainting feelings, dizziness, shortness of breath - any of these are alarming by themselves, and in combination are overwhelming. It is small wonder, then, that most of us have repeatedly sought out physicians about basic health for reassurance about our survival.

Despite physician reassurances, no matter how sound or authoritative, many go on to become phobic to the bodily symptoms. That is, they anxiously worry about the beginning signs of discomfort and follow each symptom through the day in a worriness that it may become full blown panic. This is not hypochondriasis, or imaginary aches and pains with all the attendant worry. These symptoms are actually felt and can bring on panic by themselves if the viscious circle of worry - anxiety - symptoms - more worry becomes out of control. Even though this kind of worry is unusually persistent in some, it can be brought in control, often with marked reduction in symptoms.

Yet, even for those who are not worried about their health or their symptoms, many are haunted by the imminence of death. For these persons, we feel the preoccupation with dying reflects an emotional and spiritual awareness of how vulnerable one is, of how life is slipping away. In fact, studies of agoraphobics show that over 17% lose their jobs directly from their phobia, over 55% have social relations curtailed, another 27% have marital disruption, and another 10% become housebound. The growing fear is that one is giving up gradually, which is like dying.

These changes do not come about all at once. In every moment phobics choose to live vs. to die in all of life's decisions, big and small. Dying takes the form of avoiding, putting off, retreating, finding excuses, losing one's self, overworking, sitting still, smiling too much, waiting until one feels better, among other forms of retreat. The extent of phobic avoiding gives new meaning to the adage "cowards die a thousand deaths, the valiant die but once." For every retreat, something else is lost about living and one becomes adapted to doing, feeling and experiencing less and less. I believe the majority of agoraphobics come to a haunting sense of the imminence of death, questioning the purpose or worthwhileness of any action.

Those phobics who can face the spiritual crisis of "what am I living for?" are often able to find unusual strength to renew their sense of purpose. In learning to discard things they have been attached to in an unhealthy way, they often renew their purpose in a way that helps them recover directly. For example, one single parent with a nine year old son had developed a phobia for certain places because of a direct threat of violence - even murder - by her ex-husband. When she could feel, "I have nothing to lose", she was able to vigorously pursue life-giving, constructive changes such as a move to the country and major job change. A key resolution, probably, was to defend her life and her son's to even her death, a resolution baked by martial arts and weapons training.

In any case, the haunting sense of death is a crisis for many phobics to sense who they really love and cherish and to make decisions to bring that about, rather than let their life erode away from the influence of the phobic condition. In this way, their phobia seems to present a test to their whole psyche of whether to choose a life-giving or life-denying way of life.

For those phobics who are moved by this article, I heartily recommend a book by Barbara Sober, "Wishcraft". It will help you get in touch with your heart-felt wishes and needs which are the basis of what gives life meaning. It has a wealth of ways to get you back to the life you have almost forgot or given up on, and will show you how to get started - now! Of course, any avenue that is particularly yours - your church, best friend, trusted counselor, loving partner - can be a way out of the illusory trap of losing everything life holds dear.